I lost my practice over the passed couple weeks somewhere between hosting my parents, moving into a new place, and adjusting to a new work schedule. It happens. It’s just unfortunate that I lose my practice when I need it most.
I was listening to a podcast where a women suggested that meditating daily is like putting a little money in your “spiritual-savings” account each day, so that when you can’t meditate (let’s say life throws you a curve ball or you’re traveling), it’s okay because you have that “spiritual-savings” to keep you uplifted.
I believe in that and it definitely resonates, but maybe I’ve gone too long and spent all my “spiritual-savings” because I’ve noticed the shift in my behavior and thought processes. I don’t know if others experience this quite the same way as I do (and if you do (or don’t) – please let me know in the comments), but when I lose my practice and realize I need to come back home to it, I find that there’s a HUGE energy block of guilt.
I was sitting on my meditation cushion just this morning and I felt this wall up (of guilt and shame) that wasn’t allowing me to even contemplate the beginning of my practice. My self-critic was on over-drive and I was feeling embarrassed for how I’ve been operating in the world. When I don’t do my daily practice for an extended amount of time, I lose the ability to accept all that is happening. When I’m not practicing, I can be very reactive and judgmental toward myself and others. It’s a lower vibration, and when I’m living from that space, I believe I attract more drama and challenges.
Luckily, I had picked up a jade wand (shout out to Conscious Habitat) at the Warwick Applefest just yesterday. It was one of those impulse-buys and I really hadn’t given it much thought, but thank god I brought this crystal home. Jade increases love and nurturing. It’s a protective stone that keeps the wearer from harm and brings harmony. Jade attracts good luck and friendship and stabilizes the personality and promotes self-sufficiency.
I’ll save you the nitty-gritty details of what’s going on in my personal life, but trust me when I tell you that this stone could not be more perfect for me at this time. One of the reasons why I believe in crystals (and stones, essential oils, gong baths, and other helpful meditation tools) is that they show up in my life when I need them most. I rarely seek-out their help (as I don’t know much about them) but they always seem to fall in my lap (divine timing) with the healing properties I need, so that I can sit in peace on my mat.
All the more reason why this life is so magical. I believe that if you set the intention to open yourself up to the healing that this world (and other realms) can provide, then the healing will come. I sat with my jade crystal this morning and I was able to clear my mind and completely let go of any judgement for not having practiced. I remembered that the ticket into higher vibrations is to simply “love and be loved”. We are always welcomed by Spirit to start again. I’m realizing that the only thing between me and that peaceful state, is my own unwillingness to love and accept every part of me. I’m learning that with Spirit, I don’t have to explain myself, I don’t have to make-up for lost time, and I definitely don’t have to feel ashamed for who I am. All Spirit wants from me is to come back home to love and release the attachment of judgement.
And in that moment, what looked like a rainy-dreary-day, now looked peaceful. I heard the birds chirping outside my window and realized the clouds weren’t as grey as I thought they were. The fog and illusion started to lift and I found myself moving through the postures with ease and fluidity. It’s nice to be back.
In those hard times of battling my self-critic, I find Amber Rae’s instagram (@heyamberrae) to be extremely helpful. One of her posts just the other day suggested naming your self-critic to take away some (if not all) of its power. I named mine Judge Judy (lol) and picture the judge herself in my mind when I’m being judgey and it makes me laugh!
Sending you all love!! xo