I’ve been feeling the push to surrender — and who hasn’t?
I’m sure we’re all feeling the need to let go as we navigate a world pandemic and collective crisis. I’m personally feeling it’s time to break free from my routines and schedules, which is hard for me, since I’ve spent countless years trying to establish them.
I came to the realization this morning, during an in-home-and-alone dance session, that there’s a time to be disciplined and a time to let go. I don’t want to be forever jailed by my practice. I don’t feel that it’s truly living to feel guilty every time I miss my 9am pranayama and meditation session. — especially when I’m replacing it with an activity that brings joy or balance in a different way.
So, just like every realization I come to, I went all in on ruminating on it. I thought about how necessary it is to feel free in your days and to simply experience what is.
and then I remembered that discipline leads to freedom.
I let myself go and think and daydream on the meaning of setting oneself free; and then I remembered that discipline leads to freedom. The last limb of the Eight Limbs of Yoga is Samadhi, which can be loosely translated to a state of oneness, self-realization, or freedom. A yogi’s end-game is to reach a state of Samadhi. The other seven limbs leading up to it are like a day’s work and Samadhi is the fruit of our labor.
It’s kind-of funny, actually, that it feels as if I’ve grown another limb. — or two, or three. Like the practice of the Eight Limbs of Yoga is a physical part of me now.
It’s been about seven years of dedicated practice, so I guess it’s natural that I’m starting to feel this longing to break-free from my practice? — and maybe you are, too. It’s not that I won’t do my practice every day, and I think that may be impossible, since it’s become a huge part of my life and overall wellness journey. It’s kind-of funny, actually, that it feels as if I’ve grown another limb. — or two, or three. Like the practice of the Eight Limbs of Yoga is a physical part of me now.
When we begin our journey, we first learn about the Yamas and Niyamas, which are the first and second limbs of Yoga. They’re focus is on noticing how we conduct ourselves outwardly and inwardly. It’s the first step to increasing our awareness by observing our behavior. Within the Niyamas is Tapas, or self-discipline.
Self-discipline is how we generate our own transformation. The term tapas means “heat” and refers to the fire that incinerates old and harmful habits. It can be uncomfortable as we break-through old thought-patterns and behavior to create positive change, but it’s extremely rewarding. I found, through my own journey, that my reality would drastically change as I re-wired my inner-experience. The best way I can describe it is like flipping through the channels of what you see. — the characters and setting stay the same but the mood and tone change. Pretty powerful stuff!
So yeah, I went through a period of my life where instead of hanging out with friends or sleeping-in, I was rolling out my yoga mat and practicing. I studied every book I could get my hands on and then some. I held uncomfortable poses for long periods of time because I wanted to understand them and I knew they made me stronger. It was this fiery, discipline that has brought me where I am today.
And I’m this way with more than just Yoga. — I’m also like this with my business, family-life, friendships, hobbies. I spent the past decade instilling routines and healthy habits that would support my wellness and overall growth in the direction of the person I strive to be. Now I’m feeling this need to let go of it all and not be so dependent or structured. I’m confident that I will do these things, like Yoga, when it’s necessary; and that it’s time to let the current of life take me.
I touch upon some form of art and wellness practice everyday, but I’m letting go of the order and time in which they happen. Today, instead of starting out with power poses, I took part in dancing freely to my favorite songs. Instead of working on designs in the Adobe Suite, I sketched out new branding ideas for a couple clients in my sketchbook. I’m on my cycle, and we just had the New Moon, so I’m feeling low-energy. Usually, I would schedule in some resting time for Yin Yoga or a nap, but today I enjoyed a long, hot shower and writing this blog post.
Time’s man-made anyways! My days are mine to make and my level of productivity is up to me.
I’m realizing it’s overrated to have a perfect schedule and stick to every to-do in my daily planner. I feel free for the first time in a long time, and there’s this new discipline to maintain it. I can easily fall back into old-habits of over-scheduling to stay busy, or chaining myself to my Yoga mat and desk for allotted amounts of time. Time’s man-made anyways! My days are mine to make and my level of productivity is up to me. We all have different ideas of what moving forward looks like, and I’m confident that I’ve established the habits I need to catapult me into the next phase of my life.
I dream of a world where more of us have established flexible careers or jobs that honor work-life balance; and that we spend more time enjoying our lives together. With more time for self-care and wellness, we can expand our practices outwardly to help those in need. Maybe I’m being idealistic but hey — it’s my dream.
Are you also experiencing a longing to surrender to a more unconventional lifestyle? — are you in a similar point in your yoga journey? — as always, I would love to hear from you.
Namaste
xx