Many of us have experienced the high at the dawn of our yoga practice. In my travels, I’ve gathered that most people feel a rich aliveness and rejuvenation upon completing their first 200 HR or practicing diligently on their own for the first time. I remember it for myself! – the life-changing and mind-altering experience of forming new pathways in the brain felt like being reborn. I remember the excitement of meeting myself for the first time, as my psyche finally experienced the depth of connection it always longed for. The windows of my being were thrown open to let fresh air and new ideas in. It was incredible and truly transformative.
Seven years later, I’m faced with the daunting task of staying awake during times where I’d love to escape. That’s the challenge and beautiful mission of taking this path. This path is for the leaders who will stay awake and aware even when they want to run in the opposite direction or turn a blind eye. This path is about taking care of yourself steadily each day to accumulate the strength (emotionally, physically, mentally, energetically, and spiritually) necessary to combat each and every obstacle that comes your way.
These obstacles come in all forms. They come in jealousy, rage, pettiness, and shame. They come in the form of thoughts and altercations with loved ones. These challenges will poke at your deepest wounds and feed your greatest fears! – but that is the point. All of these obstacles are here in service to you.
I use to dream about becoming a leader. I didn’t know exactly what I would teach, but I knew I wanted to lead people in a way that changed the world for the better. Maybe you feel the same? I can see humanity’s highest potential, and it’s not perfect, but it’s miraculous. We have the capability for love! – and sometimes love means smoking a cigarette on your back porch with your boyfriend and few beers instead of tending to responsibilities and deadlines. Love won’t always be perfect, but it is miraculous and makes a world of difference. Love creates space. Space to breathe, heal, release, and enjoy. You could be down in the trenches facing uncertain death, but if you’re doing it with love then you will feel free.
To be a leader is to act with love and constantly surrender the small self. The small self will keep you from seeing the bigger picture! – that every action you take has an affect on generations to come and life itself. We will hand over this world to our kids one day, along with our genetics and imprinting. It’s up to us to make changes, face ourselves in times of crisis, and clear emotional baggage and destructive behaviors. – so that we can pass on the baton of peace.
So, I had a good laugh with myself the other day as I was recounting on my past dreams of becoming a leader and the joys of beginning my yoga practice. I laugh because where I am right now is a culmination of every thought and feeling I had in the past. I laugh because I wanted this (and I still do) but damn is it painful! – to lead your own life.
Yoga breaks your heart open to feel everything from the subtle to the extraordinary. Over the past seven years, I have been made aware of every impulse, negative thought, and destructive behavior that I carry. The work has not been in pushing these qualities away, but in learning to love them.
Let me tell you… it’s hard work! – but trust me that it is SO incredibly worth it and necessary for the evolution of humanity. Every time we willingly sit in the dark night of OUR soul, we heal our ancestors and descendants and other beings operating at the same frequency. I like to picture light tunnels! – similar to the story of Jesus Christ dying on the cross for our sins, so too can we take a metaphorical death and rebirth to create new pathways for ourselves and others to travel closer to the truth. Every time you willingly sit with yourself, reflect, and refine for the betterment of yourself and all those around you – you alter the collective consciousness.
Sometimes it is hard to do this alone! – I luckily have an amazing life partner who listens and reflects back to me what needs tending in our garden, but really elevating our consciousness requires going out and encountering anyone in the outside world to reflect back what needs transforming within. This is the part of the practice when you leave your meditation cushion and the security of the “good feelings” yoga and meditation bring solely on the mat, and venture outward to the next phase of your practice, which is applying it to life lived.
That brings me to tapas. So tapas is a Sanskrit word in Yoga which means “to burn or create heat”. The more you fire gold, for example, the more pure it becomes. We are challenged as Yogis to receive the input of pain and choose not to output more pain. If we receive uncomfortable feelings, the normal human reaction would be to lean towards something more pleasurable or to blame someone or something. We may even feel shame and blame ourselves! – no one’s at fault here. When we experience pain of a deeper nature or a lingering mental disturbance, the only thing to do is to have gratitude that this pain is the fire that is purifying the psyche to become that much more enlightened, aware, and of service to the collective.
It’s challenging! – don’t get me wrong. I struggle with this, but I look back at who I was ten years ago and realize that each painful, lonely, dark night of the soul has gradually transformed me into who I am today. I can honestly say I love myself and feel like I am closer to my truth than I have ever been before. We get lost in the uncomfortable and the unknown, but the beauty is that you don’t have to know. In the middle of hysteria or your own personal freak out, just know that all that is asked is that you ride the wave. Everything will be clear after the storm has passed. Simply surrender any ideas or concepts you have around the situation and refrain from reacting.
The last thing I’ll leave you with! – I find to be the most profound and useful. When you’re really at a loss, stuck in the thick of emotions and negative thought patterns, practice Isvara Pranidhana. This is another Sanskrit word for ultimate surrender to something greater than the self. Don’t get too caught up in the label of what this Supreme Being is. – maybe it’s the Universe, Jesus, God, or your own Higher Self. Whatever works for you. It could even be surrendering to humanity, as we are the manifestation of the Supreme Being. It’s this ultimate surrender that will release the burdens that are too heavy to carry.
I’ve been practicing to surrender thoughts of a hurtful nature when my mind veers off into negativity! – I’ll say a little pray that I’m letting go of this particular thing and release it like a helium balloon to the sky. As it floats away, I know that it’s in good hands. In the mean time, I focus on the moment and taking care of myself, so that I can rise a little stronger tomorrow.
This process has served me greatly! – and I hope something resonated with you. As always, I’ve love to hear from you in the comments. We’re in this together! Thank you for traveling here and I wish you abundance along your journey. Namaste